Everything was fine until a crucial scene during Twilight. Edward had just saved Bella's life -- and the young girls in the audience were TALKING THROUGH EVERYTHING.

Sure, I could have turned the other cheek and all that crap, but I had paid my five gazillion dollars and wanted to hear what the heck Edward was saying. Bella? Not so much.

And I don't care if this is the second time I'm seeing the film. It's not like the giggling posse knew that.

So I called out: "Oh, come on. Shut up!"

It came out so naturally I almost didn't realize I said it. But I did. And they shut up, even if only for the rest of that particular "don't leave me/I love you/I won't kill you" scene.

The only problem is that I revealed who I really am: a cranky, middle-aged woman. Who happens to like vampire romance films, even if it has a sluggish middle section. The film, not any cast members.

I mean, who tells a group of giddy girls to zip it during a the dreamiest film evah? Old people do. My skin is drying out and flaking off just thinking about it, turning me into the crypt keeper.

Have I forgotten what it's like to be young and excited and in a dark theatre where you're basically invisible because no one can see you and it's Christmas and you can do anything you want because your parents aren't there and they've got your gifts already so it doesn't matter anymore if you're naughty or nice and who cares if anyone else can hear the movie since you and your pals have seen it 15 times already?

Le sigh. Yes, perhaps I have.

Well, at least I didn't shout out any swear words. And no one threw things at my head, as far as I can tell anyway. ;)

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